 His legacy |
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A little bit about what happened....
Bennett was a very wanted baby. His big brother Drew had requested a little brother, and we were very happy to be able to fulfill his wish!
When we found out that Bennett had CDH, it felt like the wind had been taken out of our sails.. After alot of research on the internet by me and Bennett's Auntie Jolika, we knew that we had a tough road ahead of us, but we were pretty positive that we were going to get through it.
We went to CHOP (Children's Hopsital of Philadelphia) in December, and that was when our world started to crumble. We knew that Bennett's stomach and probably his intestines were "up" (in his chest cavity) - we also knew that we did not want his liver to be up - that would be a whole lot worse. After a day of testing, MRI's, scans, etc. we met with Kelli and the doctors (Kelli Young is the Surgery Advanced Practice Nurse in the Pediatirc Neonatal and Fetal Surgery Dept. at CHOP. She is also such an amazing person who helped to make this horrible ordeal that little bit better), they told us what we were dreading to hear - his liver is up. I just started to cry, because I knew that our little baby was going to have such a battle ahead of him. We were also told that his lung to head ratio was not good - basically because all of the organs that were in his chest cavity, Bennett's lungs were not having a chance to grow. It was one of the worst cases they'd seen.
Then, a week later, everything came crashing down. I lost my amnitoic fluid and flew into Nassau because of bad weather between here and Florida. They were going to airlift me to the States, but then I was questioning, if CHOP had given us 50-50 chance that Bennett would make it IF I made full-term, then, at 29 weeks, did he have a chance? Was it worth the extra stress of flying elsewhere. Once again, I called Kelli. She explained that I would have to be at least 32 weeks for Bennett to go on ECMO - that his veins would be too fragile any earlier. So basically, I would give birth and he would just go to sleep because of the lack of oxygen. Even if I could get to CHOP, there was nothing more that could be done. Kelli continued to call me at the hospital, to see how I was doing; she made herself available to the doctors in Nassau if they needed any information or help from her; she called Dewey in Hope Town before he went to pick up Drew in Minnesota, to see how he was doing. And she checked up on me after I got out of hospital. As far as I am concerned, she went above and beyond what she had to. And words can not express what her support meant to us.
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I dreamed about my baby, what he/she would be like. When we found out that Bennett was a boy, I thought I would have been disappointed, because I had wanted a little girl. But the minute I knew I was having a boy, all I could do was think about what he was going to be like, as a baby, as a boy and as a man. It was not just Bennett that was taken from us, but all our dreams for him. I never thought I would be envious of someone else's screaming baby. I never got to hear my baby cry or laugh.
We never had the chance to make any memories with Bennett. I will always wonder what you could have been, my precious little angel.
April 23rd 2007 - Ella Csilla Russell, Bennett's little sister, was born.
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