15JAN08/ Mummy Time continues to pass...your sister Ella is almost 9 months old. That means you would have been getting ready to turn 2 years and 1 month! Can that much time already have passed since I held you? I look at your sister with amazement every day - all the things she is learning to do. She is almost walking. And it just makes me think of you and what would you be doing....
I'll never get over losing you, Bennett. Every day, my heart aches for you. And I just can't help asking myself how different things would be if you were here.
I wish someone could answer my questions. Are you somewhere where you can see us? Do you know just how much you are loved and missed? Will we see you when we die? I hope so. I hope, if there is life after death, that you are happy, that you are with Grandpa Rezso - I know he is taking good care of you, telling you of silly stories of your Mummy.
I miss you my baby. Always.
To my baby boy / Mummy I saw Cameron the other day - he was born a month after you. It brought it home to me just what you would be doing now........ walking and talking and running..... I just find it so hard to make sense of all this....well, that's because it never will make sense. I don't know why you had to be taken from us. And then, if you were here, would your sister be here? I wonder if you are with us, every day, watching us and making sure we are OK. Do you give Ella cuddles when she is sleeping? Do you kiss her cheek when she cries? Do you hold her hand when she is in her stroller? Do you kiss me when when I am sleeping? And do you hold my hand when life gets just a little too tough for me? I know one thing - you will hold my heart for ever. I hope I get to see you one of these days.....I will give you the biggest hug ever - I will never let you go. I wish I had held you for longer, before they took you from me. But it never would have been long enough. I miss you, my baby boy. I think of you all the time. I hope Grandpa Rezso is with you, giving you all the kisses and cuddles that I wish I could. Have sweet dreams and know that your Mummy aches for you every day.
05SEPT07
My baby... / Erika (Mummy) Not a day goes by when I don't think of you and miss you and wish so hard that you were here with us. Your sister is getting ready to arrive and I just wish you were here to teach her all the things you know. I know that you'll be with her always and help her. I miss you so much, my little baby. I always will.
06MAR07
Always thinking about you, Bennett / Mummy "I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new, I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name; all I have are memories and your picture in a frame. Your memory is my keepsake with which I'll never part; God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart."
My Wish - 11JUN06 / Erika (Mummy)
I wish that I could hold my baby one more time I wish that he would have opened his eyes I wish he didn't have to die I wish that I didn't have to feel this pain and emptiness every minute of every day I wish I would have heard my baby cry I wish he was here to hear him laugh I wish I could make sense of why this had to happen I wish with every ounce of my being that he was here I wish there was a way for my wishes to come true I just wish I had my baby
My angel.... / Erika (Mummy) "A tiny heart stopped beating Two shining eyes at rest God broke our hearts to prove He only takes the best."
My precious little angel,
I read all these messages that people have left for you and all the candles, and it makes my heart swell, that my special baby could touch so many people, proving that even though you were with us in body for such a very short time, you will continue to impact so many people for always. I think of you everyday.....we carry you in our hearts for always......
Good night, my angel, sleep tight. I know you have many special people up there in Heaven with you, looking after you.
Thinking of you / Rosa Linda Román (Mummy's Friend )Read >>
Thinking of you / Rosa Linda Román (Mummy's Friend )
On this anniversary of Bennett's birthday I read the beautiful tribute you wrote to your little angel. As I read what you wrote just weeks after losing him I sat with tears running down my face. Then suddenly I heard a loud "thud" from the other room. My mommy instincts kicked in and I went running. Z had fallen out of bed. It didn't even wake her. But after reading your story I held her tighter than ever. And I wondered... Why did I yell at her and her sister for some ridiculous thing today? Why can't I be more patient and present? I will try harder I promise.
Thank you for the love you have put out into the universe. Know that you have touched our lives in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your heartache so that we all may be reminded to hold our own loved ones a little closer. Close
I found this written and I thought that Bennett would want you to have this. I am trying to get some books and money together for you. Love, Shelly
To My Mother
I see you each time you shed a tear, I catch it and kiss you, I hope that you know that I'm near. This place is so beautiful, There's so much to see! I know that someday you'll be here with me. The angels were singing when I arrived! Jesus was there with His arms open wide! The snow and the rain are just my confetti. I know you'll be coming and I want to be ready. When you feel the wind, it's me walking by. I can run and skip now, I can even fly! When the blossoms and leaves fall into your hair, It's me planting kisses, yes, I put them there! The birds are singing to keep you company, They're especially for you with love from me. I know that you miss me and feel so alone, Until the great day when you finally come home Please remember as the seasons change from one to another, I'll always love you. You're my friend and my mother.
I lost my child today. People came to weep and cry As I just sat and stared, dry eyed. They struggled to find words to say To try and make the pain go away. I walked the floor in disbelief. I lost my child today.
I lost my child last month. Most of the people went away. Some still call and some still stay. I wait to wake up from this dream This can't be real--I want to scream. Yet everything is locked inside, God, help me, I want to die. I lost my child last month.
I lost my child last year. Now people who had came, have gone. I sit and struggle all day long, To bear the pain so deep inside. And now my friends just question, Why? Why does this mother not move on? Just sits and sings the same old song. Good heavens, it has been so long. I lost my child last year.
Time has not moved on for me. The numbness it has disappeared. My eyes have now cried many tears. I see the look upon your face, "She must move on and leave this place." Yet I am trapped right here in time. The songs the same, as is the rhyme, I lost my child......Today.
~Netta Wilson
I miss Bennett every day. Having Ella helps & I know he is always by her side. When I watch her sleeping, I think of Bennett, how he looked, never opening his eyes, just like he was sleeping. It's hard, so hard. I have my happy moments but I always have the heartache of not having my son here with me.Close
What My Child has Taught Me / Misty (Friend to mother )Read >>
What My Child has Taught Me / Misty (Friend to mother )
What My Child Has Taught Me I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't. I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice. I've learned that friends can become strangers, and strangers can become friends. I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for the lack of compassion. I've learned that some people will never, ever - "get it". I've learned that the community of sorrow is the strongest of all. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have with someone. I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words. But so is love.
As your heart aches each day, look at the stars as smiles from the many angels that heaven holds. Thank you for touching my heart, you will be remembered in my prayers.
On the day God took you i thought that i would die i wondered where the time went? I asked alot of whys?? With people all around me i felt alone inside from all their words of comfort i couldn't seem to hide. I thought i might be dreaming that i'd wake and find you here, i thought "this can't be happening" As i wiped another tear. On the day that you were laid to rest my heart broke yet again, i wondered if the pain would end. But mostly i wondered when?? It's hard to be without you, at times the days seem long, sometimes i just sit crying, when there is really nothing wrong. I wish we'd had more time, before your life was done. I hope your resting peacefully my precious little one.
Broken Chain
We little knew that morning, God was going to call your name, In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same. It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone, For part of us went with you, the day God called you home. You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide, And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side. Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same, But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again
IF TEARS COULD BUILD A STAIRWAY AND MEMORIES WERE A LANE I WOULD WALK RIGHT UP TO HEAVEN TO BRING YOU HOME AGAIN NO FAREWELL WORDS WERE SPOKEN NO TIME TO SAY GOODBYE YOU WERE GONE BEFORE I KNEW IT AND ONLY GOD KNOWS WHY MY HEART STILL ACHES WITH SADNESS AND SECRET TEARS STILL FLOW WHAT IT MEANT TO LOSE YOU NO ONE WILL EVER KNOW" Anonymous
I'm Everywhere
Please don't mourn for me I'm still here, though you don't see I'm right by your side each night and day And within your heart I long to stay My body is gone but I'm always near I'm everything you feel, see or hear My spirit is free, but I'll never depart As long as you keep me alive in your heart I'll never wander out of your sight I'm the brightest star on a summer night I'll never be beyond your reach I'm the warm moist sand when you're at the beach I'm the colorful leaves when fall comes around And the pure white snow that blankets the ground I'm the beautiful flowers of which you're so fond The clear cool water in a quiet pond I'm the first bright blossom you'll see in spring The first warm raindrop that April will bring I'm the first ray of light when the sun starts to shine And you'll see that the face in the moon is mine When you start thinking there's no one to love you You can talk to me through the Lord above you I'll whisper my answer through the leaves on the trees And you'll feel my presence in the soft summer breeze I'm the hot salty tears that flow when you weep And the beautiful dreams that come while you sleep I'm the smile you see on a baby's face Just look for me, I'm everyplace...
May God Bless You!!
God saw that you were getting tired, And a recovery was not to be. So he put His arms around you And whispered, "Come home with me." With tearful eyes, we watched you suffer And saw you fade away. Although we loved you dearly, We could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating: A determined spirit is at rest. God broke our hearts to prove to us He only takes the best
Unknown
Hi Daddy Hi Daddy, its me,
Your baby boy in the sky.
Won't you tell me Daddy, Why does my mommy cry?
Doesnt she know I'm happy here,
Heaven's a beautiful place Oh, how it hurts me, Daddy
To see tears streaming down Mommy's face.
Daddy, tell her I'm much better here,
Jesus fixed my heart. But when I see mommy crying, It just about tears it apart.
I know it hurt you both, Daddy, When Jesus took me away.
But you and mommy remember, We'll be together again someday.
I can't wait to hug you, I never got the chance before. When its time for you to come, I'll be waiting at heavens door.
Then you'll both understand, Jesus knew where I needed to be.
What a marvelous place to live, Just wait and you both shall see.
Please let my Mommy know, Daddy,
That I heard every word she said. And I remember her softly kissing me As I lay cuddled in her arms.
Just one more thing Daddy, Before I have to go, I love you both very much And just wanted you to know.
It must be very difficult To be a man in grief, Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong" No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult To stand up to the test And field calls and visitors So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she's all right And what she's going through, But seldom take his hand and ask, "My friend, but how are you?"
He hears her crying in the night And thinks his heart will break. He dries her tears and comforts her, But "stays strong" for her sake.
It must be very difficult To start each day anew And try to be so very brave-- He lost his baby too.
Grief
Deep sobs that start beneath my heart and hold my body in a grip that hurts
The lump that swells inside my throat brings pain that tries to choke.
Then tears course down my cheeks
I drop my head in my oh so empty hands abandoning myself to deep dark grief
and know that with the passing time will come relief
That though the pain may stay there will soon come a day when i can say your name & be at peace.
The Cord
We are connected, my child and I, by an invisible cord not seen by the eye
It's not like the cord that connects us at birth this cord can't be seen by anyone on earth
This cord does its work right from the start It binds us together attached to my heart
I know that it's there though no-one can see the invisibe cord from my child to me
The strength of this cord it's hard to describe It can't be destroyed, it can't be denied
It's stronger than any cord man could create It withstands the test, can hold any weight
And though you're gone, though you're not here with me the cord is still there but no-one can see
It pulls at my heart, I am bruised, I am sore but this cord is my lifeline as never before
I am thankful that God connects us this way A mother and child, death can't take it away !
I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't, I've learnt that learning to forgive takes alot of practice, I've learned that friends can became strangers & strangers can become friends. I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for the lack of compassion, I've learned that some people will never, ever- "get it". I've learned that the community of sorrow is the strongest of all. I've learnt that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken away too soon. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words it may be the last time you see them. I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have spent with someone. I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words, but so is love ...
Happy Halloween Bennett! I'm so sorry your precious baby could not stay here on earth with you. My granddaughter Johnna was born sleeping last January so know somewhat of the heartache & loss you are feeling. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers... johnna-rusk.memory-of.com
REMEMBER - Josh Groban / Erika (Mummy) "Remember I will still be here As long as you hold me In your memory
Remember When your dreams have ended Time can be transcended Just remember me
I am that one star that keeps burning so brightly It is the last one to fade into the rising sun I'm with you whenever you tell my story For I am all I've done
Remember I will still be here As long as you hold me In your memory remember me
I am that warm voice in the cold wind that whispers And if you listen you will hear my call across the sky As long as I still can reach out to touch you Then I will never die
Remember I'll never leave you If you will only Remember me
Remember I will still be here As long as you hold me In your memory
Remember When your dreams have ended Time can be transcended I live forever -- remember me"
I will always remember you, Bennett. I take you with me everywhere I go. I will never stop missing you and aching to hold you again. You will always be my precious angel. Close
Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die.
Each night we shed a silent tear, As we speak to you in prayer. To let you know we love you, And just how much we care. Take our million teardrops, Wrap them up in love, Then ask the wind to carry them, To you in heaven above.
Time.../ Erika (Bennett's Mummy )
Time keeps on ticking away. Bennett would have been 10 months old this month. I never stop thinking of what he would be doing right at this moment. Time doesn't stop, for any of us. I wish I could have just another minute with Bennett, but then I would just want one more. I miss him. How I miss him! I just will never understand. It will never make sense. Close
For Erika and Dewey.... Always remembered, never forgotten / Misty Russell (Cousin)Read >>
For Erika and Dewey.... Always remembered, never forgotten / Misty Russell (Cousin)
I find it so hard to try and realize that you are happy and safe, watching over your mommy and daddy;cant even imagine how hard it is for them. Baby Bennett, they say everything happens for a reason, well I hope and pray every day that this did happen to your family and friends for the right reason. We all miss you very much and wish that you could be home. You are so beautiful Bennett. I love you with all my heart and always will. I hope to one day see your beautiful face in person. This past summer, Mummy Erika and I became very close, and I loved sharing every minute with her. Either laughing or crying, we shared many amazing memories and spent many days talking about YOU. Bennett, you are so lucky to have such amazing parents like yours. They miss you so much. I trust that everytime Mummy and Daddy are upset and missing you, you shine down on them giving them the strength to feel better, realizing that hopefully they will one day see you again. Walk with Mummy through the next steps in her life that she is experiencing. I love you Bennett, I love Erika, I love Dewey and I love Drew. You all remain in my heart always and forever! xoxox
"A little tribute true and tender, Just to show that we remember. Time may pass and fade away But memories and pictures of you will always stay." Close
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